Your wedding is one day. Your marriage is for life.
Congratulations on your engagement.
If you are hoping to marry in one of our churches, or you live in our parish and wish to marry elsewhere, the first step is a conversation with the parish priest.
Please contact us as early as possible and before making firm or non-refundable arrangements.
Marriage preparation is not only about organising a wedding. It is preparation for the lifelong covenant you are asking God and his Church to receive and bless.
What is Christian Marriage?
Marriage is a lifelong covenant in which one man and one woman freely give and receive one another as husband and wife.
Marriage is ordered towards:
- the good of the husband and wife
- their lifelong unity and fidelity
- the gift of children
- the loving care and education of children
When a valid marriage exists between two baptised people, it is a sacrament.
Through the Sacrament of Matrimony, Christ gives husband and wife grace to love faithfully, forgive one another, persevere through difficulties, welcome family life generously and help one another grow in holiness.
Christian marriage therefore has a clear shape:
freedom · unity · fidelity · permanence · openness to life
What are you asking for?
When you ask to marry in the Catholic Church, you are asking for more than permission to hold your wedding in a church building.
You are asking to enter a lifelong covenant before God and the Church.
You are asking God for grace to:
- love one another faithfully
- remain together for life
- forgive and persevere
- bear one another’s burdens
- welcome and educate children
- build a Christian home
- help one another towards holiness
The wedding day begins your marriage. It does not complete it.
Thinking about faith as you prepare for marriage?
Preparing for marriage can sometimes make one or both of you think again about faith.
Perhaps you were brought up Catholic but have not been to Mass for some time.
Perhaps faith has never played a large part in your life.
Perhaps one of you is Catholic and the other is not.
Perhaps preparing to make lifelong promises before God has raised questions about who God is, what you believe and what place faith might have in your marriage and future family.
You are very welcome to explore those questions honestly.
Christian marriage is not simply a church setting for a wedding. It is a vocation lived with God. For a Catholic who has been away from the practice of the faith, preparing for marriage can therefore be a good opportunity to begin again.
If you would like to explore who Jesus Christ is and what Christian faith might mean for your own life, begin here:
If you were baptised Catholic but have been away from the Church, you may also find Returning to the Faith helpful.
If one of you is not Catholic, there is no expectation that you must become Catholic in order to marry a Catholic. You are, however, very welcome to ask questions, come to Mass and learn more about the faith which will form part of your spouse’s life and, where applicable, your family life together.
Couples are welcome to come to Sunday Mass as they prepare and to speak openly with Fr John about faith, doubts or questions.
Consent and freedom
At the heart of marriage is the couple’s free consent.
The priest does not create the marriage for the couple. The man and woman freely give and receive one another in marriage.
No parent, family expectation, pregnancy, wedding booking, financial pressure, fear or embarrassment can supply that consent for them.
Both people must be free to marry and free to say either “yes” or “no”.
They must also genuinely intend the marriage they profess:
- faithful and exclusive
- lifelong and indissoluble
- open to the gift of children
This is why honesty during preparation is so important.
Considering marriage but not yet engaged?
You are also welcome to speak to us if you are in a serious relationship and are beginning to consider marriage.
You do not need to have chosen a wedding date or made a final decision. An early conversation is not a booking and does not commit you to becoming engaged.
This can be a valuable time to explore:
- what the Catholic Church means by marriage
- whether you share the same understanding of fidelity and lifelong commitment
- the place of God, prayer and Sunday Mass in your future home
- openness to children and their Catholic upbringing
- important differences in faith or family expectations
- any previous marriage or other matter which could affect freedom to marry
- whether you are both freely and honestly moving towards the same vocation
It is much better to discuss these questions before making expensive arrangements or feeling pressured by an approaching wedding date.
You are welcome to ask questions, use the parish preparation resources and speak privately with the priest. The aim is not to push you towards engagement, but to help you discern truthfully whether God may be calling you to marriage together.
CONTACT THE PARISH FOR A CONVERSATION
How marriage preparation works
1. Begin with a conversation
Meet with the priest before making firm arrangements.
The first conversation helps us understand:
- your relationship and hopes for marriage
- your present Catholic practice
- where and when you hope to marry
- whether both of you are free to marry
- your Baptism and religious backgrounds
- whether any permission or dispensation may be needed
- whether either of you has previously been married
- what preparation and practical arrangements will be required
The first step is a conversation, not a booking.
2. Put Sunday Mass and prayer at the centre
Catholic marriage is not separated from the worship and life of the Church.
Catholic couples are encouraged to prepare through Sunday Mass, prayer, Confession and worthy reception of Holy Communion.
If only one of you is Catholic, the other person is not expected to pretend to hold a faith they do not share. Preparation should still include an honest conversation about the place of Catholic faith, Sunday Mass, prayer and the religious upbringing of any children.
3. Use the couple’s preparation book
Our parish uses Preparing for Our Marriage, A Catholic Preparation Book for Engaged Couples.
The book contains four principal conversations:
1. God’s Plan for Marriage
Covenant, vocation, unity, permanence, the good of husband and wife and openness to life.
2. Consent and the Sacrament
Freedom, consent, validity, sacramental grace and the role of the Church.
3. Living Catholic Marriage
Prayer, Sunday Mass, forgiveness, communication, marital intimacy, responsible parenthood and family faith.
4. The Wedding Rite and the Vows
The questions before consent, the marriage vows, rings, nuptial blessing and living after the wedding what you promise on the day.
The book also includes guidance about freedom to marry, previous marriages, mixed marriages, practical preparation, the wedding rite, readiness and life after the wedding.
Read it together slowly and answer the questions honestly. The purpose is not to produce a polished “correct couple answer”. It is to understand what you are promising and to have important conversations before, rather than after, the wedding.
DOWNLOAD PREPARING FOR OUR MARRIAGE
Activity and conversation guide
The Marriage Activity and Conversation Guide is used beside the preparation book.
The preparation book supplies the Catholic teaching. The activity guide helps you make that teaching practical, listen to one another and take useful steps towards married life.
It includes activities and conversation prompts about:
- faith and the home you hope to build
- communication, disagreement and forgiveness
- money, work and shared responsibilities
- children, intimacy and responsible parenthood
- family relationships, health and technology
- freedom, safety and readiness
- the wedding rite
- prayer and life after the wedding
A parish mentor may accompany you, or you may work through the guide together and bring your questions to the priest.
No teaching experience or advance preparation is required. The preparation book, the activity guide, paper and a pen are enough.
The guide does not replace meetings with the priest or the formal enquiry into your freedom to marry.
DOWNLOAD THE MARRIAGE ACTIVITY AND CONVERSATION GUIDE
App for extra help
The Preparing for Marriage app offers the teaching in a simple digital form, with questions to help you remember and discuss what you have learnt.
The app is an additional help. It does not replace the couple’s preparation book, personal conversations, Sunday Mass or meetings with the priest.
OPEN THE PREPARING FOR MARRIAGE APP
You may also download our short guide to the complete parish pathway:
DOWNLOAD THE MARRIAGE PATHWAY GUIDE
Meetings with the priest
The preparation materials provide Catholic teaching and help you begin important conversations.
Meetings with the priest are still necessary for:
- establishing that both people are free to marry
- completing the Church’s formal pre-marriage enquiry
- checking baptismal and sacramental records
- discussing previous marriages
- arranging permissions or dispensations
- discussing mixed marriages
- meeting civil requirements
- considering pastoral questions
- confirming readiness
- preparing the wedding liturgy
Please bring questions to the priest rather than trying to decide legal or sacramental matters yourselves.
Previous marriages
If either of you has ever been married before, tell the priest at the first meeting.
This includes a marriage which was:
- civil only
- celebrated in another Christian community
- celebrated in another country
- entered into when you were not practising the faith
- ended many years ago
Please do not assume that a previous marriage does not count.
The Church must establish that both people are free to marry before a new Catholic wedding can be arranged.
A declaration of nullity is not a Catholic divorce. It is a judgement by the Church’s tribunal that, after proper investigation, a valid marriage bond was not brought into being at the time of the original consent.
Do not make firm wedding arrangements until freedom to marry has been established.
If one of you is not Catholic
You do not both have to be Catholic to marry in the Catholic Church.
A marriage between a Catholic and another baptised Christian normally requires the appropriate permission.
A marriage between a Catholic and an unbaptised person requires the necessary dispensation for validity.
The Catholic party makes the promises required by the Church concerning continuing to practise the Catholic faith and doing all in their power for the Baptism and Catholic upbringing of any children. The other person is informed of these promises.
The priest will explain clearly what applies to you.
Already living together?
Please still make contact.
Do not allow embarrassment to keep you away from the Church. Be honest about your circumstances.
Marriage preparation is an opportunity to place your relationship more fully under the Gospel, including the Church’s call to chastity before marriage. Catholics will also be encouraged to prepare spiritually through Confession.
The purpose is neither to pretend that the Church’s teaching does not matter nor to make you feel unwelcome. It is to help you move truthfully towards Christian marriage.
Marriage, intimacy and openness to life
Marital intimacy belongs to the faithful and total self-gift of husband and wife.
The Church teaches that sexual union belongs within marriage. It should express the loving unity of the spouses while remaining open to the gift of life.
Responsible parenthood involves generous and prudent discernment in accordance with God’s law. For just reasons, couples may use morally acceptable fertility awareness or Natural Family Planning methods.
Deliberate contraception is not in accordance with Catholic teaching because it separates the unitive and procreative meanings of the marital act.
If this teaching is unfamiliar or difficult, please ask questions honestly. You are not expected to pretend that you understand something which has never been explained to you.
Children are gifts, not entitlements. Infertility does not make a marriage less real and does not by itself prevent a couple from marrying.
Conversations worth having
Before the wedding, you should speak honestly together about:
faith and worship · children and fertility · sex and intimacy · communication and forgiveness · money and debt · work · family relationships · health · addictions · responsibilities at home · technology and privacy · safety and freedom
Discovering a real difference is not a failure of preparation. It is important information that can be understood and addressed before marriage.
If a serious concern appears, do not rush simply to finish the material or protect the wedding timetable. Pause and seek the right help.
If something does not feel safe
Marriage requires freedom.
Controlling behaviour, threats, intimidation, isolation, violence, forced sexual activity and serious financial control are not ordinary communication difficulties.
If either person is afraid of the other, unable to disagree safely or does not feel free to say no, please speak privately with the priest and seek appropriate help.
Forgiveness never means remaining in danger or accepting abuse.
Preparing for the wedding liturgy
The wedding liturgy is not a performance. It is the public celebration in which the Church receives your consent, prays for you and sends you to live what you have promised.
The celebration normally includes:
- the Liturgy of the Word
- questions about freedom and your intentions
- the exchange of matrimonial consent
- the Church’s reception of that consent
- the blessing and exchange of rings
- the intercessions
- the nuptial blessing
- the Eucharistic liturgy when Marriage is celebrated within Mass
The exchange of consent is the heart of the celebration.
You do not need to invent or write your own vows. The priest or deacon will give you the Church’s approved words and guide you through the ceremony.
When both people are Catholic, celebrating Marriage within Mass is ordinarily fitting. In a mixed marriage or other circumstances, a celebration outside Mass may be more appropriate. The priest will discuss this with you.
Practical arrangements
Once your freedom to marry has been established, the parish will guide you concerning:
- the proposed date and time
- Church documents
- civil requirements
- readings and prayers
- sacred music
- flowers and other arrangements
- the rehearsal
- any parish fees or practical matters
Civil requirements can change, so please follow the current directions given by the parish and the registrar.
Do not make irreversible arrangements on the assumption that a previous marriage, permission, dispensation or document will probably be fine.
Preparing spiritually
Catholic parties are strongly encouraged to receive the Sacrament of Penance before the wedding and to approach Marriage and Holy Communion in a state of grace.
If it has been a long time since your last Confession, the priest will help you.
After the wedding
The grace of Matrimony is given for your whole married life.
A strong Catholic marriage is normally built through small habits repeated faithfully:
pray together · keep Sunday Mass central · speak truthfully · practise forgiveness · protect fidelity · be honest about money · make time for one another · receive the sacraments · raise children in faith · ask for help early
When difficulties arise, seek help before resentment, secrecy or isolation becomes normal.
Your wedding is one day. Your marriage is for life.
Ready to begin?
You are welcome to contact us if you are:
- engaged and hoping to marry in the Catholic Church
- not yet engaged, but seriously considering whether God may be calling you to marriage together
- unsure whether you are free to marry
- Catholic and marrying someone who is not Catholic
- returning to the faith while preparing for marriage
- already living together and considering marriage
- hoping to marry in another Catholic parish
- unsure what your next step should be
You do not need to solve every question before speaking to us.
The first step is a conversation, not a booking.
“What God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Matthew 19:6
