Your wedding is one day. Your marriage is for life.
In our parish communities — St Mary’s, St John Bosco and St Edward’s — Marriage is a lifelong covenant in which a man and a woman freely give and receive one another as husband and wife.
Marriage is ordered to the good of the spouses and to the generation and education of children. Between two baptised persons, a valid marriage is by that fact a sacrament.
A Catholic wedding is therefore much more than a beautiful ceremony or legal event.
It is the beginning of a vocation in which husband and wife are called to live in unity, fidelity, permanence, openness to life and mutual self-giving, helping one another towards holiness.
What Christian Marriage Is
A covenant for life
Marriage is not simply a private arrangement or a contract which lasts only while both people remain satisfied.
In marriage, a man and a woman establish a partnership of the whole of life.
They do not merely exchange affection, possessions or services. They give and receive one another.
Christian marriage therefore has an objective shape:
unity · fidelity · permanence · openness to life
Marriage is also ordered to the good of the spouses. Husband and wife are called to seek one another’s true good and to help one another grow in holiness.
If children are given, they are received as gifts and parents accept responsibility for their loving care, education and formation in faith.
Marriage as a sacrament
When a valid marriage exists between two baptised persons, that marriage is sacramental.
For baptised spouses, married love becomes a sign of Christ’s faithful love for his Church.
The Sacrament of Matrimony gives spouses grace to perfect their love, strengthen their unity and fidelity, forgive one another, persevere through difficulty, welcome family life generously and help one another towards holiness.
If one party is not baptised, a valid marriage may still be possible with the necessary dispensation, but the marriage is not sacramental unless and until both spouses are baptised.
Consent and Freedom
At the heart of marriage is consent.
The priest does not manufacture the marriage for the couple.
The man and woman themselves freely give and receive one another in marriage. No parent, family expectation, pregnancy, wedding booking, financial pressure, embarrassment or other person can supply that consent for them.
Both must be free to marry and free to choose marriage.
The intention expressed in the wedding vows must also be genuinely marital. A person cannot validly consent while positively excluding marriage itself or an essential element or property of marriage — for example, intending from the outset never to be faithful, refusing permanence, or absolutely excluding children from the marriage.
For this reason, honesty during preparation matters enormously.
Preparing for Marriage
Marriage preparation in our parish is personal, Catholic and centred upon the life you are preparing to live — not simply upon organising the wedding day.
The first step is a conversation with the parish priest.
Please make contact before making firm arrangements whenever possible, and as early as you reasonably can.
At the beginning we will talk about your circumstances, your faith and your proposed marriage. The priest must also establish that both parties are free to marry and identify early any permissions, dispensations, documents or other matters which may be required.
Once the appropriate pathway is clear, the couple receives our parish preparation book:
Preparing for Our Marriage
A Catholic Preparation Book for Engaged Couples
Your wedding is one day. Your marriage is for life.
DOWNLOAD PREPARING FOR OUR MARRIAGE
Four conversations together
The preparation book contains four short conversations for the engaged couple to work through together.
Allow approximately 20–30 minutes for each.
1. God’s Plan for Marriage
Covenant, vocation, unity, permanence, the good of husband and wife and openness to life.
2. Consent and the Sacrament
Freedom, consent, validity, sacramentality, grace and the role of the Church.
3. Living Catholic Marriage
Prayer, Sunday Mass, forgiveness, communication, marital intimacy, responsible parenthood and family faith.
4. The Wedding Rite and the Vows
The questions before consent, the marriage vows, rings, nuptial blessing and learning to live after the wedding what you promise on the day.
Each conversation follows the same simple pattern:
REMEMBER → SHORT TEACHING → TALK ABOUT IT → THE ESSENTIALS → PRAYER → TOGETHER THIS WEEK
Read the teaching together. Answer the questions honestly. Do not rush to agree simply because you think there is a “correct couple answer”.
The purpose is to understand what you are promising and to have conversations worth having before, rather than after, the wedding.
The book does not replace meetings with the priest
The preparation book provides the catechesis and couple conversations.
Meetings with the priest remain essential for other parts of preparation.
These include:
- establishing freedom to marry;
- the Church’s formal pre-marriage enquiry;
- Baptism and sacramental records;
- previous marriages or possible impediments;
- permissions or dispensations where required;
- mixed marriages;
- pastoral questions;
- civil requirements;
- final readiness;
- and preparation of the wedding liturgy.
The book deliberately does not ask couples to determine canonical questions for themselves.
If something is unclear, bring it to the priest rather than guessing.
Conversations that matter before marriage
Good marriage preparation also means speaking honestly about the ordinary realities of life together.
The preparation book helps couples talk about:
faith and worship · conflict and forgiveness · money and work · children and fertility · sex and intimacy · families and boundaries · home responsibilities · health · habits and addictions · technology and privacy · safety and freedom
These are not trick questions.
Discovering a real difference between you is not a failure of preparation. It is useful information which can be understood and addressed before marriage.
If one conversation reveals something serious, do not rush simply to finish the book.
Stop and talk about it.
Bring difficult questions to the priest where appropriate.
Preparation exists to protect freedom and truth, not simply to keep a wedding timetable moving.
Faith and married life
The Sacrament of Matrimony is lived after the wedding day.
A Catholic marriage needs an ordinary spiritual rhythm.
Couples are encouraged to build married life around:
prayer · Sunday Mass · the Eucharist · Confession · fidelity · forgiveness · honest communication · charity · service
When children are given, parents become their first educators in faith.
Children learn what Catholic life means not only from what their parents tell them, but from what they see: whether Sunday Mass matters, whether prayer is natural, whether forgiveness is practised and whether Christ has a real place within the home.
Marriage, sexuality and openness to life
Marital intimacy belongs to the total gift of husband and wife.
The Church teaches that sexual union belongs within marriage and expresses the faithful, mutual self-gift of the spouses while remaining open to life.
Responsible parenthood involves generous and prudent discernment about family life in accordance with God’s law. For just reasons, couples may make use of morally acceptable fertility-awareness or Natural Family Planning methods.
Deliberate contraception is not in accordance with Catholic teaching because it separates the unitive and procreative meanings of the marital act.
If this teaching is unfamiliar or difficult, please bring the question honestly to the priest rather than feeling that you must pretend to understand or agree before asking questions.
Children are gifts, not entitlements, and infertility does not make a marriage less real or by itself invalidate it.
Previous marriages
If either of you has ever been married before, tell the priest at the very beginning.
This includes a marriage which was:
- civil only;
- celebrated in another Christian community;
- celebrated in another country;
- entered into when you were not practising your faith;
- or ended many years ago.
Please do not assume that a previous marriage “does not count”.
The Church must establish that a person is free to marry before a new Catholic marriage can be arranged.
An annulment is not a “Catholic divorce”. A declaration of nullity is a judgement by the competent Church tribunal that, after investigation, a valid marriage bond was not brought into being at the time of the original consent.
Mixed marriages
You do not both have to be Catholic in order to marry in the Catholic Church.
A marriage between a Catholic and another baptised Christian ordinarily requires the appropriate permission.
A marriage between a Catholic and an unbaptised person requires the appropriate dispensation for validity.
The Catholic party makes the promises required by the Church concerning perseverance in the Catholic faith and doing all in their power for the Baptism and Catholic upbringing of children. The other party is informed of these promises.
The priest will explain clearly what applies in your circumstances.
Already living together?
If you are already living together, please still make contact.
Do not allow embarrassment to keep you away from the Church.
Be honest about your situation.
Marriage preparation provides an opportunity to consider your relationship in the light of the Gospel, including the Church’s call to chastity before marriage, and for Catholics to prepare spiritually through Confession where appropriate.
The aim is neither to pretend that the Church’s teaching does not matter nor to make you feel that you cannot come forward.
It is to help you move truthfully towards Christian marriage.
If something does not feel safe
Marriage requires freedom.
Each person must be able to say “yes” freely — and must also be able to say “no”.
Controlling behaviour, threats, intimidation, isolation, violence, forced sexual activity or serious financial control are not simply ordinary communication problems.
If either of you is afraid of the other or does not feel free, please speak privately with the priest and seek appropriate help before proceeding towards marriage.
Preparing for the wedding liturgy
The wedding liturgy is not a performance added to your relationship.
It is the public celebration in which the Church receives your consent, prays for you and sends you to live what you have promised.
The celebration normally includes:
- the Liturgy of the Word;
- questions before consent;
- the exchange of matrimonial consent;
- the Church’s reception of that consent;
- the blessing and exchange of rings;
- intercessions;
- the nuptial blessing;
- and, when marriage is celebrated within Mass, the Eucharistic liturgy.
The exchange of consent is the heart of the wedding celebration.
The priest or deacon will guide you through the rite.
You do not need to memorise the whole ceremony.
The parish will provide the approved texts, readings and practical directions. The Order of Celebrating Matrimony, rather than wording found online, governs the celebration.
Marriage within or outside Mass?
When both parties are Catholic, celebration of Marriage within Mass is ordinarily fitting.
In a mixed marriage or other circumstances, celebration outside Mass may be more pastorally appropriate.
The priest will discuss the appropriate form with you during preparation.
Practical preparation
Some practical matters can only be settled after the initial conversation and the establishment of freedom to marry.
The parish will guide you concerning:
- the proposed date and time;
- required Church documents;
- civil requirements;
- readings;
- sacred music;
- flowers and other arrangements;
- rehearsal where needed;
- and any parish fees or practical arrangements.
Civil and administrative requirements can change, so please follow the current instructions given by the parish and registrar rather than relying on an old wedding checklist.
Please do not make irreversible arrangements on the assumption that a previous marriage, permission, dispensation or document will “probably be fine”.
Establish freedom to marry first.
Before the wedding
The preparation book includes a simple “Are We Ready?” review.
It is not a pass/fail examination.
It helps the couple and priest consider whether there is genuine freedom, a proper understanding of marriage, an intention of fidelity and permanence, openness to children, honesty about faith and practical life, and readiness to make the promises of Christian marriage freely.
A good sign of readiness is not that a couple agrees about everything.
It is that they can tell the truth, listen, seek help, understand what marriage is and freely intend what the Church asks them to promise.
After the wedding
Marriage preparation should not finish when the photographs are taken.
A strong Christian marriage is normally built through small habits repeated faithfully.
The preparation book gives couples a simple rule of married life:
pray together · keep Sunday Mass central · speak truthfully · practise forgiveness · protect fidelity · be transparent about money · make time for one another · receive the sacraments · raise children in faith · ask for help early when difficulties arise
When things go wrong, begin again.
The grace of Matrimony is given not for one beautiful day, but for a lifetime of faithful love.
Thinking about Marriage?
If you are:
- engaged and hoping to marry in the Catholic Church;
- unsure whether you are free to marry;
- Catholic and marrying someone who is not Catholic;
- returning to the faith as you prepare for marriage;
- already living together and considering marriage;
- or simply unsure what the next step should be;
you are very welcome to make contact.
You do not need to solve every question before speaking with us.
The first step is a conversation, not a booking.
Where: St Mary’s, St John Bosco or St Edward’s
Contact: Fr John — john.owens@dioceseofnottingham.uk
Your wedding is one day. Your marriage is for life.
“What God has joined together,
let no one separate.”
(Matthew 19:6)
That is the heart of Christian Marriage.
St. Mary's, St. John Bosco and St. Edward's 